It's a Choice, Not a Child

Welcome back, my friends. This is going to be difficult. You see, I have a confession to make; but not really. I'm going to cut right to the chase, ladies and gentlemen, and talk about abortion. Also, I'm going to say… it's really not so bad.

Don't leave yet! I'm not saying you don't have to think it's not bad. Nor am I saying it's as much fun as bowling for strippers. But, you see, I did a little research and, honestly, I couldn’t find much about abortion.

Sure there are lots of passages in the Bible that tell us about the sanctity of life, but, amazingly, there's very little about abortion. In fact, by my estimation, the practice didn't even exist back then, but if it did, Jesus never bothered mentioning it. And if Jesus didn't care enough to mention it it can’t possibly be an issue.

Then again, there is that sanctity bullshit I mentioned earlier. But--let's be real--who actually bothers with that? How many of you would give up the death penalty to promote this notion? Hell with all the smiting, war and incest, even God doesn’t seem to give a fuck about life. Hell, he performed the first mass post-term abortion in Egypt. Sometimes you've just got to man up and take someone’s life! Or a zygote’s!

And when are those times? Well, let’s say--hypothetically—there’s a guy who's in the middle of a divorce and, one crazy night, he may have shared a tender moment with his 16 year old babysitter, got a little fruitful with her and multiplied. Anyway, personal responsibility aside, someone's got to pay and it ain't going to be me! Or so that guy might have thought if he was someone that wasn’t me.

So anyway, we have this fertilized egg here and no one's in a good position to take care of it. The girl's too young and naive, and the guy is too irresponsible for, well, pretty much anything really.

Another option is adoption, but adoption agencies are already overpopulated and I fucking hate Oliver Twist. Plus, you still waste a perfectly good teenage body with stretch marks.

There’s also the question of whether or not the zygote is life? Well, yeah, every cell is alive, but by that logic every time a man fertilizes a bath towel, he's commiting genocide. Plus that means facials, pearl necklaces, and angry pirates are all a sin; and that idea just makes the world feel a little colder.

Am I rationalizing? Maybe I am a tad. Honestly, I don't know what to think. Being a man of God, I guess I'm supposed to think it’s wrong, but then I realize it may not be, and holy Hell, after a while I just don’t give a fuck because I can't afford to pay the child support.

Oh. Damn.

Seriously, though, she was really, really hot and totally worth it.